FLUTTERSHY INTENSIFIES
by Deebro
Summary: Spike lends Fluttershy Duke Nukem, and unfortunately, everyone dies.


_Pony Land, Just Outside Fluttershy's Cottage_

Spike the Baby Dragon was just pondering the many awkward questions of his childhood – such as the identity of his parents, his chronic depression due to growing up without a mother, how Celestia had him enslaved to her will and the issue of how Twilight had more or less magically given birth to him – as he was crossing the little bridge just outside Fluttershy's place when the Alicorn Princess Twilight Sparkle herself appeared in front of him with a little red flash and a popping noise.

He immediately stopped. _Well I'm fucked_, he thought casually to himself.

"Hello Spike," she said with a smile, folding her wings. "You're not trying to escape from me again, are you? I kinda need yo fine ass around these days, it's not like I can afford a paid assistant."

"Oh, hey Twilight!" Spike said, waving and smiling back. "Don't worry, your Sexier than Me-ness, I'm just going to visit Fluttershy. So, you can leave the electric cattle prod at the Castle."

Twilight had one hovering in the air over her head. She beamed at him.

"Wonderful! I'm so glad to hear that," she said, before immediately disappearing again as she teleported home. Seconds later, she teleported back, with an eyebrow raised.

"So you're visiting Fluttershy? Weird. So am I," she said thoughtfully. "I was just going to discuss the possibility of a spin-off show directed towards the show's peripheral audience with her. You know how popular she is with the, ahem, _special fans_. It's too good a chance to miss!"

"Twilight," Spike said calmly, "You know that naked pony mud wrestling idea of yours isn't gonna fly, ever. Not even with that Kickstarter of yours behind it."

The Princess pouted.

"You can't silence my voice!" she shouted. "I've got two million dollars' worth of devoted fan love behind me and NOT THE HUB, NOT HASBRO'S LEGAL DEPARTMENT AND NOT EVEN LAUREN FUCKING FAUST HERSELF CAN STOP US NOW! Anyway, why the visit?"

"I was just going to get my Duke Nukem game back from her," Spike explained. "I leant it to her a couple days ago, and, for some reason I haven't heard from her since."

Twilight glanced over at the cottage.

"You don't think she's been playing it the whole time, do you?" the Princess asked.

Spike waved a claw dismissively.

"Nah, there's no way," he said. "She probably just caught a cold or something, and besides, I only gave it to her as a joke. There's no way that Fluttershy would transform overnight into some kind of sleepless, lifeless, video gaming nut…"

At that moment, a heavy metal riff started to play.

Twilight and Spike looked around, trying to see where it was coming from.

"What the…" Twilight breathed, looking at Spike. "Spike, you didn't eat my IPod again, did you?"

Then, Fluttershy's door exploded.

Well, it didn't really explode; it was more like the entire front half of her cottage disappeared in a huge ball of orange fire. The force of the blast turned every tree for a hundred meters around into a blazing inferno, set the grass and flowers aflame and sent a horde of cute, terrified little animals running and flying in all directions, desperate to escape. Twilight and Spike were thrown off their feet by the concussion wave, sailed through the air and landed painfully on the ground. As they struggled back onto their hooves/feet respectively, with burning cottage wreckage falling down all around them, they turned to see Fluttershy standing upright in the devastated shell of her house, her front hooves curled into fists and raw muscle exploding out of her slender pony body, with a wall of fire behind her.

"What the fuck," Twilight and Spike said together.

The metal music stopped for a second.

"Let's rock," Fluttershy said, in a voice of pure, exploding granite. Then, with metal music blasting from the heavens, Fluttershy leaped into the air, rocketing skyward in a tear-shaped inferno as the atmosphere itself was turned to white-hot plasma by her mind-screwing speed.

Three seconds later, Fluttershy had reached Rainbow Dash's shitty cloud house. She landed on the welcome mat, straightened before the door with the hairtips of her mane and tail slightly on fire, and gave it three short knocks. Rainbow Dash – who was, for some reason, wearing those weird sunglasses of hers – opened it, yawned, and smiled at her best friend forever.

"Hey, Fluttershy," Rainbow said. "What's with that music…?

"Eat shit and die, bitch," Fluttershy growled, and headbutted Rainbow Dash so hard that the fastest Pegasus in the world instantly turned to a spray of blood, rainbow-coloured hairs and liquid horsemeat that flew in all directions, coating every flat surface nearby. Fluttershy caught Rainbow's sunglasses with her hoof before they even started to fall to the ground, putting them on.

"Fuck yeah," Fluttershy said, and flew into the air again. The back-blast from her rocket-like takeoff exploded Rainbow's house like a taxi in a New York superhero movie.

Five seconds after that, Fluttershy smashed through the ceiling of the Canterlot Castle, instantly melting all of the beautiful stained glass windows in their frames. Discord was standing there, halfway through an evil laugh, and Celestia and Luna were sitting on the floor in front of him, tied together with some rope.

Fluttershy straightened into a stand, and slowly turned to face them, with her freshly acquired sunglasses looking positively fucking awesome.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Fluttershy said calmly. "Bitches."

"Oh, hello Fluttersky!" Discord said happily. "Come to say hi, have you? I'm sorry, I seem to be taking over the world again. For some reason you ponies keep trusting me after I betray you all to the forces of evil. And I'm liking the music! Very Metallica."

"I've got breasts of steel," was Fluttershy's gravelly reply. "And hellfire flamethrowers for nipples."

"That is," Discord said, scratching his head in disbelief, "By far the dumbest thing I have ever heard in a My Little Pony fanf…"

"Eat this, bastard," Fluttershy said, blasting two streams of hellfire from her lower abdomen, with the roaring screams of a thousand archdaemons shouting "Fuck yeah!" at once. The God of Chaos was incinerated into a pile of molten, burning slag. Fluttershy then coughed up smoking cigarette from somewhere in her internal organs, and spat it aggressively onto the pile.

"See you in Hell," Fluttershy growled. "Mother fucker."

"Fluttershy! Well done," Celestia said warmly. "You've saved Equestria and possibly hundreds of thousands of lives born and unborn, from an eternal existence of pure, chaotic torture at the twisted hands of the God of Chaos! Now just untie me and my sister, and you can have a stained glass window all to yourself as a completely satisfactory reward."

"CAN I HAVE A LINE IN THIS FANFIC," Luna said, weeping softly. "PLEASE?"

Celestia turned to her sister with a smile.

"Fuck you," she said warmly. "Beloved sister!"

Luna cried some more.

Fluttershy slowly turned to the two Alicorn Princesses, gazing at them through her glasses.

"Suck it down, you Royal Slutdumpster," said Fluttershy.

"Excuse me…?" Celestia began, before Lord Tirek's huge, horned goat face (dunno if that's right, dunno how to spell it, don't give a toss) appeared in the hole that Fluttershy had blasted in the ceiling. He was very, very large.

"Ha ha ha ha," said Lord Tirek. "I am stealing all of your people's…I mean ponies' magic pony powers because for some reason the supernatural abilities of demons, chaos gods, dragons and other all-powerful mythological creatures are less desirable and utterly useless to a godlike lord of demons like me. So give me all your magic, Alicorn Princesses! I want to make the moon and sun go up and down, since that's all you two seem able to do. Hey! I like that music. Is someone playing Iron Maiden in here?"

Fluttershy looked up at Tirek.

"I'm not gonna fight you," Fluttershy informed him. "I'm gonna kick yo ass."

"Excuse you?" Lord Tirek said.

Celestia smiled.

"Excellent, Fluttershy!" the Princess said happily. "Just kill this one as well, and I'll give you another stained glass window, and maybe even your very own shitty-looking castle to replace your original, beautifully-designed home which was utterly beloved by fans!"

Fluttershy turned back to the Princesses.

"No," she said. "Kill him yourselves, assholes."

"I can't fight him!" Celestia protested. "I'm tied up. And besides, even though I'm the most powerful being in existence, capable of manipulating the orbit of the planet, there's no way I could even…"

"Shut the fuck up," Fluttershy said, teleporting over to the Princesses in an explosion of blood and gore and picking them up in her forelegs, still tied together.

"What is this madness," said Celestia.

"I DO NOT KNOW BELOVED SISTER," Luna said, and continued to cry. "BUT I HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THAT IT IS, IN FACT, A FANFIC."

Celestia shot her sister a glance.

"You said it was a fanfic, like, a whole paragraph ago," the Alicorn pointed out.

"FUCK," said Princess Luna.

"Enough talking," Fluttershy growled. "More ass kicking."

Fluttershy hurled the two Alicorns into Lord Tirek's confused face so hard that the three demigods fused together, forming an instantaneous event horizon that led to the temporary creation of a reverse-cycle black hole. TL:DR version for you? Canterlot exploded in a blast so staggeringly cool-looking that blew a hole in the fabric of reality itself that would suck whole galaxies into itself like a Lovecraftian space/time singularity for the next five million years.

Fluttershy wasn't even scratched. Her sunglasses had tragically melted off her face, though.

"What is this shit," she said, flicking the destroyed glasses off her nose. She picked up Celestia's skull, and moulded it into a new pair of sunglasses in her hooves. She could do it, because, she's magic? Anyway, she then put them on her face and blasted off the burning ruins of Canterlot, rising into the sky in a flying ball of nuclear fire. She stopped mid-air, turning slowly to survey the carnage that she had wrought in the colourful land of ponies, which was now mostly on fire.

"Fucking awesome," was Fluttershy's verdict.

Then, the red clouds parted above her, and a heavenly light did shine down upon her.

"What the hell," Fluttershy said, looking up at it.

Then did Lauren Faust descend from above, carried aloft by a mysterious silver light, wearing armour of crimson-trimmed pure gold, a billowing, fur-lined cape whiter than the bleached bones of Cthulhu, a sword of the purest titanium in the universe and a shining halo of golden celestial light. She was surrounded by a dozen fat, half-naked cherubs, with poorly trimmed neckbeards, and little black and grey fedoras.

"Fluttershy the Pegasus," Lauren Faust did say gravely, staring at Fluttershy with a look of disappointment on her chiselled, beautiful face. "You have this day gravely upset the holy balance of the Friendship is Magic multiverse. And, can someone turn that stupid heavy metal off?"

"Yes, that's so right," one Cherub said, nodding furiously.

"Everything you say is right, Lauren," said another.

"Why haven't you answered my comment on your DeviantArt page," a third cried softly.

"Fuck you, Faust," said Fluttershy. "I thought the first two episodes with the Nightmare Moon arc were total horseshit. Without you, the show has a future."

The neckbeard cherubs gasped. Lauren Faust narrowed her eyes, and raised her god-cleaving blade.

"This day, you die, My Little Pony," Lauren declared. "May the Hasbro lawyers have mercy on your pathetic little soul."

"Fuck that," Fluttershy said, and flew up to Lauren.

"Ha," said Lauren. "You think that simple brute force can match my power?"

"Yes," said Fluttershy. "Bitch."

Fluttershy then kicked Lauren Faust between the legs so hard that the Creator of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic exploded in a supernova-shaped fireball. Within seconds, it spread to consume the entire internet, destroying the hopes and dreams of millions, but at least, erasing all traces of Rebecca Black, the "What does the Fox Say" music video and PewDiePie.

"Fuck!" one of the neckbeard cherubs screamed. "My Youtube account!"

"Hail to the king," said Fluttershy, crossing her forelegs and smiling. "Baby."

Someone was shaking Fluttershy on the shoulder.

"Fluttershy!" the said, sounding worried. "Wake up!"

The yellow and pink Pegasus pony came to with a sharp gasp, bolting upright. She'd been asleep on the rug on her living room floor for God-knows how long, with an Xbox controller still held in her hooves, and surrounded by empty pizza boxes and drained Red Bull cans. I guess she'd moved the little sticks with her tongue or something like that.

She turned around, wide-eyed, to see that Spike had come in through her front door and woken her up. He looked pretty worried.

"Fluttershy!" he gasped. "I came to pick up my game, but, no-one's seen your for two whole days! I heard you inside, and came in, and I couldn't believe it; you were jerking and twitching in your sleep so bad, I thought you were having a heart attack! Are you okay?"

Fluttershy looked down at the controller, then up at her TV screen. The Duke Nukem 3D pause screen was still displayed up there; she'd accidently paused it, after she'd played it straight for 24 hours and then collapsed into an unconscious, hallucinating heap.

"I was…dreaming," she whispered softly, her eyes slowly filling with tears. "I had…the most…terrible dreams, Spike. Terrible, terrible dreams…"

Spike put an arm around her shoulders.

"It's okay, Fluttershy," he said softly. "You're okay now. Can I have my game back?"

Fluttershy nodded weakly, dropping the controller and putting her head in her hooves.

"Yes, Spike," she whispered. "I think you can have it back now."


End file.
